a toast to a new year

today is the last day of the year.
allow me to wallow in self pity and tears, for today, it would be the last.

2008. a lot has happened.
some are good, most are bad.

unfortunately, all that left a mark on my mind (and my heart) are the bad things.
and i can say, 2008 is not my year.

the last quarter of the year is definitely the most painful.
it's where i experienced something i thought wouldn't happen to me, something i was not even thinking of.

anyway, here are the "unforgettables":

- i failed a major subject. and because of this, i lost my DOST scholarship. you may think it's not a big deal, but it is. this just means one thing - an additional year on my curriculum. in other words, i won't be graduating on 2010. in a more common term (especially for eng'g people), im DELAYED. and oh, no more stipends for me. :(

- my digicam was stolen. 'nuff said.

- my 5-year relationship has ended. this is probably the most painful i've ever experienced in my whole life. the person i least expected to hurt me was the one who made me cry the most. i was cheated on. and it's only now that i announce it to the multiply world. why? because it's only now that i muster all the courage to let people know that i was the one who lost in a battle for two people.

life is harsh. and sometimes, it can be a backstabber. it hits you when you least expected it. and just like what happened to me, i didn't see it coming. i wasn't aware that it would happen. i wasn't ready.

2008 may be a year full of heartaches and tears, but there's one THING i realized.
I WAS NEVER ALONE. BECAUSE GOD, MY FAMILY, AND MY FRIENDS ARE WITH ME ALL ALONG. :D

Let's all leave our sorrows behind and look forward to a year free of heartaches and pains.
Everyone, let's welcome 2009 with a big smile on our faces!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :D

p.s.
to the people who experienced break up this year, let's make 2009 a break through year! we can do this. we'll get what we truly deserve! :D

Pumapayat na 'ko! :D

Oh yes. You read it right.

I started my diet last August 30, 2008 and told myself that I'd be serious that time. I stopped eating rice since then! I went to Greenhills each morning to jog and to join the aerobics class. I was even more determined to lose weight because my sister said that she would give P5000 to the biggest loser (of pounds). :D

Here's my picture taken last June 2008. Gosh. That time I wasn't aware that I was this HUGE.

Here's my latest photo:

I lost 26 lbs already. I know I'm still fat. But not as big as before. And I can feel that I will receive P5000 this Christmas. :))

I need to lose 25 lbs more to achieve my target weight! Gosh, Christmas and New Year pa naman. Haha! :D

a love letter to God

Dear God,

I want you to know that I'm doing fine. Lord, You are a powerful God. I can feel that your wonders are working on me now. You have lessened my pain. I hope that this pain will disappear soon.

I want to thank you Lord for giving me my family. They are your most wonderful gift to me. They have been very supportive of me since the day my whole world collapsed. They are the first ones to pick the pieces of my broken heart. They know everything, and they know what's right. If not for them, I don't know what will happen to me. Please continue showering them with so much blessings in life.

Thank you Lord for providing me a support system that I call friends. You designed them in such a way that they won't get tired (right away!) of my "nalulungkot ako" texts. Thank you for designing their shoulder in such a way that I can lean and cry on them. They are precious, and I hope that you bless them too.

I do still think about him a lot. There are still weak moments, but not like before (I used to cry a lot!). I'm not having nightmares about him anymore. Please, please, continue helping me. I want to be healed. I understand that it's a gradual process, but if you can hasten the recovery (I know You can because You are a great God), please do.

Lord, You know me more than anybody else does. You know what's inside my heart. Do I still love him? or is it just my pride that is hurting? I really don't know. but I can feel inside my heart that I'm aching for him.

I miss him but there's nothing I can do about it. Lord, please comfort me. Please don't make me ache for him. Erase all my feelings for him. I know that my love for him has changed (just like what happened to his), but there's still a part of my heart that beats and longs for him.

I want this heart of mine to beat just for You, while You haven't given me the person I will spend my lifetime with. I want to be Your princess for now. Please show me that I'm not really broken.

Lord, if you can give me my one wish this Christmas, above anything else I want peace of mind and heart. I wish that when I wake up, the pain is no longer there. I wish that the time will finally come when I can just smile everytime I remember him. I want to feel happiness and not emptiness. I want to bring back the old me, happy, stress-free, worry-free.

Please help me God. Fill my empty heart with your love. Everytime I'm afraid, comfort me. Whenever I want to feel him, embrace me. Show me your glory. Make me feel loved. Show me that I am special.

Heal me.


Your princess,
Salve